Why Anne Robinson Put Me Off A Career In Entertainment

I have filmed in the UK's grimmest council estates, drug-infested tower blocks and overnighted in every Ibis and Holiday Inn from Ilford to Inverness. 

I often get e-mails from wannabe Runners. Family friends or just randoms who have stumbled across me online. The questions are often generic - what advice would you give me? - which I've now started to copy and paste into my replies. Sometimes I'm asked to look over a CV or covering letter. Many of which are so hopeless I just tell the graduate to google other Runner/Researcher CVs for inspiration and to use as a template. Occasionally the requests are more up-front and to-the-point - do you have any contacts I can hit up? can you offer me work experience? - I try to tell myself that I took exactly the same approach many years ago that if you don't ask, you don't get. So I normally suggest a few well-known Talent Managers to approach. 

Today I got a curious e-mail asking what genre the guy should work in. 'I've heard documentaries are more interesting and you get to travel more?'. It really made me think about why we end up in the genres we do and whether they really live up to the hype. 

I left Entertainment early in my career for this very reason, I thought docs would be more interesting and I'd perhaps have the opportunity to travel. I envisaged I'd be filming an remote African tribe on the verge of extinction but I'm more likely to be found filming dysfunctional families or tap-dancing pensioners. In fact, many of my friends who have stayed in Entertainment have been to Australia for Australia's Got Talent, Argentina for Total Wipeout and destinations around Europe for shows like the Bachelor. Whereas I have filmed in the UK's grimmest council estates, drug-infested tower blocks and overnighted in every Ibis and Holiday Inn from Ilford to Inverness. Maybe I made the wrong decision? Maybe I should have stuck to chaperoning quiz show contributors or glamorous studio days on shiny floor shows with a greenroom full of M&S sandwich platters?

But then I remembered the real reason I departed Entertainment and studio shows in particular. Celebrities. The egos, the diva demands, the grovelling, the arse-licking. I once worked with Anne Robinson and had to arrange her straws neatly at right angles to her cans of diet coke and fan out her fashion magazines according to the strict instructions my Producer had given me. I had to wear Ugg boots not heels because she hated hearing the 'clip-clopping' of hard soles on the studio floor. We were all warned not to eat curry or spicy food the night before a studio day as Anne couldn't stand the smell of it. And worst of all, we were told to never make eye contact with her or answer her questions directly even if they appeared to be addressed at us. If she read your biog and shouted out a question, we were to go and inform the Series Editor so she could relay the required information.

So I think my reply to the wannabe Runner will be this - it depends whether you think overnighting at an Ibis in Hull is preferential to arranging Anne Robinson's straws at a right angle. 

TV Hierarchy: Patronise the Runner at Your Peril

I loathe TV hierarchy, even though I'm sometimes complicit in it. TV is a small, young and fiercely competitive industry. I know 27 year old Heads of Development, 26 year old Producer/Directors and 30 year old Series Producers. So when you're clicking your fingers at the Logger, barking orders at the Runner or doling out unreasonable requests to the Intern, just remember that in a few years, you could (and probably will) be working for them. 

There's a saying - be nice to people on your way up, because you'll meet them on your way down. Or in TV, be nice to the Runner, because they could be Commissioning your show in a few years.

We all know that crewing up for productions relies heavily on word-of-mouth recommendations and your reputation always proceeds you. Before Talent Managers or Execs start to scour Talent Manager, trawl Facebook Groups or tap into their CV database (I'm sceptical that these ever get a second glance), they will of course call people they know, have worked with before or those who their TV friends and colleagues have suggested. So don't rub people up the wrong way, whether they're the Prod Sec or the PM, because regardless of their status in the TV pecking order, their character reference of you is just as valid. 

The thing I love (and at times, loathe) about TV is that you don't have to 'do your time' necessarily to get ahead. If you're competent, likeable, diligent and a quick learner, you can quickly establish yourself in the industry and if you impress, there is opportunity to quickly work your way up the slippery TV ladder. 

One of my pet hates though, is people try to jump ahead without the necessary experience. There is a growing culture of freelancers wanting a Researcher credit when they've only been Running for 3 months, or APs who want to be Casting Producers when they've only led the casting of a couple of mediocre shows. It's not that I begrudge people who move up the ladder quickly, I certainly did, but there's nothing worse than feeling out-of-your-depth. 

Don't expect someone working on less than minimum wage to work the same hours as you (when you break down their £300 weekly Runner rate to the hours they're putting in over weekends and late into the night). It's exploitative and unfair. Nor should you patronise people when they ask questions or don't know what certain wanky TV terms mean. I remember asking what 'C4' stood for on an e-mail from my Head of Development at a well-known indie, and being forever grateful when he discretely told me and reassured me (without a shred or condescension) it was a confusing term. 

I remember on a shoot trying to bluff that I understood when a cameraman asked me to put the 'strawberry filter' on (which I later found out means pretending you're shooting to make the contributor feel special but not actually recording). And there was a time when terms like 'up-sync', 'b roll' and 'non-sync wides' completely baffled me. But I was always grateful to the people who took the time to explain things properly and still remember the bitter souls who snapped at me for not instinctively knowing.

So my advice would be - get your head down, learn all you can from people above (and below) you, never get too big for your boots and treat people with the respect they deserve. Because that snotty-nosed Runner who is getting ahead of herself and throwing in ideas where they're not wanted, could well be your Commissioning Editor in 5 year's time. Just sayin. 

Taiwan's answer to Susan Boyle...

Lin Yu Chun on the Taiwanese singing competition Super Star Avenue. I can only imagine Simon Cowell's reaction to this kid's haircut...

This week I'm filled with Glee...

The reality of a career in tv...

Wales, a small country in London apparently...

Yanks... you gotta love em. Larry King, a current affairs presenter supposedly, asks Welsh singer Shaheen about his heritage. "I'm half Iranian and the rest of me is Welsh," explains the nervous child protege. "So, you were born in London?" enquires Larry ignorantly, having clearly never seen a map of the UK. Shaheen politely corrects him but gets a little tongue-tied, "no, I was born in Wales, a small country in London." Bless. Seems us Brits need to listen harder in our geography lessons too... Thanks to Shaheen's nervous blooper, several million Americans now think Wales is a country in London!

Tit-bits of telly goss this week...

• Janet Street-Porter got kicked by a cow whilst filming The F Word. She was not amused. But we think it’s hilarious.

• Alesha Dixon currently filming a new documentary for BBC3 about absent Fathers… and no, it’s not going to be called Strictly Come Raise Your Kids.

• Jo Frost, aka Super Nanny, is about to start filming a new C4 series with Outline. In the new series, Jo will face kids aged 3-15 in a kind of parenting road show. She'll talk to parents across the country to find out what is worrying them about their family life, meeting kids with conditions such as SED (Serious Emotional Disturbance). I think most parents would argue their kids have this condition... And according to a totally unreliable source (Wikipedia), she will take the role of Madame Morrible in the London production of the musical, Wicked, next year. A fitting role for the Anne Robinson of child care.

Don't switch channels during the adverts...

Media Savvy can't wait for this gem of a commercial to hit our screens.

Yet another reality show couple get divorced...

What will ITV2 commission next to replace Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter STATESIDE? How about...

• Peter and Chantelle: ESSEXSIDE
• Katie vs. Peter: Custody Battle of the Century
• Katie & Peter: Divorced and Happily Ever After

Katie and Pete join the likes of Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears and Hulk Hogan - all of whom have embarked on the reality show dream with their other half only to have their marriages crumble on screen.

My money is on Kerry Katona and Mark Croft next...

TV gossip this week

• Margaret leaves The Apprentice – the saddest news since Blue announced they were reuniting. I'm guessing she won't be doing her PHD at Edinburgh...
• ITV’s new show ‘Four Weddings’ is set to be a big hit, think the ‘Come Dine With Me’ format but instead of attending and rating each other’s dinner parties, four brides attend and rate each other’s weddings! I think ‘Bitchy Brides’ would have been a more fitting title?
• Jessica Simpson’s agent at William Morris Agency stole the idea I pitched her. Flattering? No. Annoying? Yes.
• Big Brother: the new format with Davina putting a non-housemate on the night bus home was just weird. Even Davina’s manic smiling couldn’t hide the awkwardness.
• Susan Boyle out of rehab – Pete Doherty looks like he’ll be taking her place after being caught injecting drugs on a British Airways flight (allegedly). Brings a whole new meaning to joining the 'mile high club'.
• A Swedish quiz show is in trouble with Ofcom for showing people staple gunning pieces of paper to themselves before the watershed. Sounds like high brow stuff – I predict it’ll be a Sky One acquisition in no time.
• Ratings bomb for America’s 'I’m A Celebrity' with Brit chick Myleene Class. Perhaps because American celeb bookers just can’t get anyone decent… I mean, Janice Dickinson again? Aim a little higher, people.
• Finally... Australian comedy sketch series, Chaser's War On Everything, has been taken off air for 2 weeks by broadcaster ABC after a controversial skit received complaints: